Tell us a bit about yourselves and your jobs as psychologists.
We are Chelsea & Caitlin, founders of Couples to Cradles Counseling Services and MamaPsychologists. We have built a community of over 636,000 parents worldwide. Currently based out of Alberta Canada, we call Southern Alberta home. In addition to @mamapsychologists, we wear many hats. We are also best friends, registered psychologists, clinical directors, authors, and, most importantly, moms (to 4 kids aged 7 and under). We struggled significantly in the postpartum period. From months-long NICU stay to birth trauma and postpartum anxiety—we truly have experienced many of the topics we talk about! Between the two of us we have training and experience in EMDR, trauma, child and adolescent psychology, theraplay, maternal mental health, perinatal mental health, birth trauma, pregnancy loss, infertility, somatic experiencing, and more. We have over 20 years of combined experience in the mental health field. We pride ourselves on sharing real life parenting experiences and struggles (with a dash of humour) to share the ups and downs to help parents worldwide feel less alone. When we aren’t working in our private practices or burning the midnight oil running Couples to Cradles Counseling and @mamapsychologists you will most likely find us with our families. Caitlin is often spending her time cheering her kids on at the skating rink with a coffee in hand. Chelsea can most often be found on her family farm running after her children chasing all their farm animal friends.
Social media often portrays the “perfect” mom, leading many to feel inadequate. How can moms break free from the pressure to be perfect and embrace their unique parenting journey?
Social media often leads moms into what we refer to as the comparison trap. In order to break free from this, one really important thing for moms to do is unfollow and limit their exposure as best as possible. If there is an account that makes you feel poorly about yourself- hit that unfollow button. If that isn't possible because that is a friend or family member, we recommend turning on the mute settings so they aren't constantly showing up in your feed. Another thing to do is follow those accounts that inspire you or uplift you! And when all else fails, monitor your own screen time and exposure. Turn on the screen time reminders on your phone or try to limit the amount of time you are on screens.
Parenting can be overwhelming at times. What are your favorite quick and easy mindfulness practices that busy parents can incorporate into their daily routines?
There are a few ways to engage in mindfulness practices! One being to include your kids, help model the mindfulness behaviours. Whether it is to engage in a deep breath or noticing the things in your surroundings. Remember that it can be quick, it doesn't have to be a 15 minute meditation to be impactful. We encourage "mindful minutes". So it might be turning on a diffuser and engaging the senses. It might be taking a few deep breaths. It might be going to a quiet (if you can find that!) space for a minute and enjoying the silence. It's about being creative, having realistic, and knowing that small moments can be impactful too. Take the pressure off of yourself that if it's not x amount of time then it is not worth doing! Start with the time you have and work up from there.
In a world that’s becoming more emotionally aware, how can parents nurture emotional intelligence in their children? What are some everyday practices that make a difference?
There are many ways for parents to support emotional intelligence in their children. However, some things that you can do in your daily life would be to place an emphasis on supporting them in identifying/naming their emotions and learning ways to express them. Emotions are ok to express (sometimes the behavior is not), but it is important to highlight and verbalize the emotions that our child is experiencing. This can also allow opportunities to create emotional security and safety for emotional expression, while incorporating ways to cope and problem solving skills. For example: This can look like, "You were angry your sister didn't want to share the toy and threw it across the room. It's ok to be angry and feel like it is unfair to share. However, we can't throw the toys across the room because it could hurt someone or break something. What could we try next time?" We can also model this behavior as well. For example: you can say I lost my cool because I was frustrated. If you have young children were verbalizing like this might too much to understand you can start with identifying their emotions. It is important to note that sometimes it can be hard to do this in every instance and it doesn't have to be every instance. You can also read books and ask how the characters felt or explore the emotions that are presented. You can ask about their emotions throughout the day or use a feeling chart to check in.
The world is full of uncertainties, from global events to personal challenges. How can parents guide their children through these uncertain times without overwhelming them?
This can be a difficult and challenging for many parents! There are few strategies to aid parents in managing uncertain times. One is to limit the exposure to news as it can sometimes be complex and confusing for children to understand. Rather, have conversations where you can discuss things in an age-appropriate language. Try to ensure your sharing facts and to using euphemisms. You can also discuss your own belief symptoms, values, strengths, and sources of safety within the conversation. This can be build resilience, model coping strategies, and highlight the positive side of things in addition to the negative. These conversations can aid in building open lines of communication, create a sense of trust, and create source of support.
Tantrums can be overwhelming for both parents and kids. What are your best strategies for handling tantrums in a way that’s healthy for the child and calming for the parent?
It is important to note that tantrums are often a typical part of development and many parents struggle with ways to manage them. Some strategies we recommend are first and foremost try to regulate yourself as best as possible in the moment. Calm can aid in creating calm. It will also help you make more rational decisions in the moment. So if you need to take a moment to collect yourself before addressing the tantrum that is ok. Once we are moving into address the behavior we want to acknowledge the emotion. Remember the emotion is ok to experience the behavior isn't. So we want to acknowledge the behavior and then move into boundary setting or coping. So it may moving the child to another room to give them some space. You can sit on the floor near them or if they ask for space it is ok to be outside the room. It may be helping the child determine what might help them in the moment. If they need physical movement, a hug, taking a deep breath. Parents can support this by offering suggestions, offering basic choice (either or), or redirect their attention. Sometimes with those bigger tantrums giving it a bit of time before jumping into strategies can be helpful.
You’ve mentioned the importance of understanding child development stages. What are some common misconceptions parents might have about these stages, and how can they better support their child’s growth?
Some of the most common misconceptions that we have heard are:
- Handling a situation badly means that they are a bad mom
- Tantrums mean something is wrong with your child or your doing something wrong as a parent
In these instances, we think it is important to remember. That a bad moment doesn't make you a bad mom and we aren't always going to handle situations they way we intend to. The important piece is to acknowledge that it happens. This can be a positive influence for our children as it models how to apologize. Tantrums aren't the sole indication that further investigation is needed. While if you are concerned about your child's behavior, discussing this with your primary care provider is important, it doesn't always indicate there is a problem. Tantrums are a part of child of development.
A lot of what parent's do naturally is positive for a child's development. But it is things like, providing a safe and nurturing environment, fostering a source of safe attachment, allowing children to be curious of the world around them, having open communication, setting healthy boundaries, supporting their emotional expression, and learning about the parts of development that you are curious about! If you are ever concerned, it is always ok to ask your primary care provider or resources within your community, as early intervention can also be a positive influence if development isn't going as expected.
What are your favorite products at Copper Pearl?
We LOVE the material of the Copper Pearl pajamas... any fun and festive patterns are our favorites!
You can check out Mama Psychologists at www.mamapsychologists.ca and www.couplestocradles.com, as well as on Instagram @mamapsychologists!
